As I reviewed my post from last night about finding hope, I realized there was one key factor that I hadn't mentioned. It deals with forgiving yourself and learning to like, then love, who you are and who you are becoming. Over the last few years that I've been counseling folks on beating addiction and putting God first in there lives, one of my most repeated comments to them has been that you can't move forward while looking back at your life and dwelling on your mistakes. Now, that doesn't mean that we simply forget everything. There were lessons we learned that we must adhere to, in order to better ourselves. But, I spent so many years beating myself up over my failures and the pain I had cause others along the way, Even when they had forgiven me. This had a great deal to do with my low self-esteem. I couldn't forgive myself, which led to me crawling into the bottom of a liquor bottle, or stoning my brain on weed. Often. Not only did I not love me, I didn't even want to be around me. But, when that breakdown moment came to me in rehab on '08, I honestly felt Jesus's love. I knew at that moment that He had forgiven me.
I have to be honest with y'all too. I'm stubborn. So, it still took a couple of years for me to totally grasp this,(Rome wasn't built in a day, ya know), But, as I began to feel His love, I was floored with the thought that Jesus, as perfect, wise and loving to all as He was, and the fact that He knew EVERY thing I had done wrong, He still forgave me. ME! A sinner. A huge sinner. (Here's where I bounce back to "Finding Hope.") We won't find true hope until we have dived headfirst into the Word of God, and begin to daily apply it to our lives. I'm sure that I've read the New testament at least 3 or 4 times, cover to cover, over the last 5 years. And there are certain books in the New Testament that I've read dozens and dozens of times. I can't stress enough how important it is to read the word daily. I can't stress enough how important it is to take a daily inventory of what we did wrong AND what we did right. I do this every night before bed, and I spend part of my few minutes in each morning's bible devotional reflecting on what I can do to be better than I was the day before. I fail at that a lot. You will too. But, we have got to become honest with ourselves, and that, even though we still fall down, we keep giving it our best. Congratulate yourself for these small victories. We also have to learn to ask forgiveness from others, (and forgiving others as well), and, by having this daily study of His word, know that God has forgiven us, when we ask from our hearts for that forgiveness and for healing.
Guys and girls, I am not going to try to tell you that this is easy. Being a Christian takes discipline. It takes devotion. I can't figure out how to say this to folks who didn't see me at my worst, but trust me when I tell you that my life has been one screwed up mess after another, until I finally let Jesus forgive me. Yep. You heard me right. I LET Jesus forgive me. I knew that I didn't deserve His forgiveness, but He tells us over and over again that He doesn't care what we've done or how many times we've done it. If we repent, If we do our best to right our wrongs, If we believe Him,(not just believe In Him) and if we have faith that he lived, died, and rose from the grave for us, He WILL forgive us. it's that simple. But, it goes back to what I said in the "Finding Hope" post. Nothing short of developing a true, committed, and honest relationship with God will let us find this peace in our lives amid the turmoil of the world that surrounds us. You have to give in and give ALL to Jesus. And, one day soon after, you will look around and start liking who you are becoming. One day, you'll actually love yourself as a child of God. His word will keep you humble. His word will keep you calm while the storms of life surge all around you. He, and ONLY He, will lead you through that turbulence IF you let Him. But folks, you Have to decide that HE is number one in your lives. His teachings don't change with the times or with society. He is rock-solid constant. He will begin immediately to turn that shifting, weak foundation of your life into the same solid rock. But, you must BELIEVE. You Must commit yourselves to His ways. I promise you, God will never steer you wrong. Trust in Him with all your heart, soul, and mind. Forgive your Self. You will then see that relationship with Him forming. It is the most beautiful thing that has ever happened to me. I'm living proof that the worst sinners can be saved. You can be, too. Let your life be God-Driven.
May God's love and peace guide you.
Love each other. Be good to yourselves.
PEACE,
Brother J
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